Flexibility and resilience

Those are two key parts of being a wife (or a husband for that matter). Part of learning to live and love together involves being flexible with one's desires and plans. It also means having the resilience to get through the less than pleasant circumstances that life sometimes throws at you. As a Christian, I know that there are no coincidences and God has a purpose in everything. When rubber meets the road, I need to learn what it means to trust in the sovereignty of God no matter what my circumstances look like. It's all well and good to talk about the sovereignty of God when life is sunny and wonderful. It is quite another thing to talk about the sovereignty of God when life is cloudy and getting darker.
I'm sure every woman who wants to get married and finds the one she was meant for goes into marriage with certain ideas about what her married life will look like and the wonderful things that will happen to her and her man as husband and wife. Mine was to live in a cheerful little house with a beautiful garden, swing set out back, and perhaps that green hedge around the property. My husband would go off to work in the morning after a delicious breakfast lovingly prepared by me, and I would spend my day making a beautiful home and raising delightful children. He would come home in time for dinner and we would spend happy evenings together. Money would never be scarce and he would love his job. Our children would be able to participate in there interests such as dance, music, sports or other hobbies. We would be able to take fun and family enriching vacations. We would live close enough to our families that our children would be close to their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Realistically I knew that this would not all take place, and that what did would take time to realize. Even so, I was looking at married life through at least slightly rose colored glasses. I have realized that we need to be careful how much we dream up for ourselves. The Bible says in the book of Proverbs that many are the plans of a man's heart, but the Lord directs his steps. It is ultimately God's decision what happens in our lives and His plans for us are always better than what we dream up for ourselves. Contentment in the life God gives us is crucial. Sometimes it is very hard to understand what God is doing with us and how He is using our circumstances for good and for His glory. Yet, I have found solace in the Old Testament book of Job. Job was tested by having all he owned and all he held dear taken from him. While he agonized over his sudden change of circumstances and asked God why this should happen to him, he never lost his faith in God. He held onto the belief that God is good and gracious. He entrusted himself to God and refused to "curse God and die" as his wife told him to do. No, his reply was "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" (Job 2:10) If we truly believe that God is God, than we must accept all that He brings our way and trust Him in it. About a year ago Dr. Bruce Ware preached on the sovereignty of God and I learned a lot from that sermon. He said that we must believe: God is infinitely Wise, God is Sovereign (He has absolute power), and God loves His children with an overwhelming love. Never doubt God's sovereignty, trust fully God's character and rest in the infinite wisdom, almighty power and overwhelming love of God when some evil comes. Isaiah 45:5-7 offers some profound truth about God's sovereignty in all circumstances "I am the Lord, and there is no other; besides Me there is no God. I will gird you, though you have not known Me; that men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the Lord, and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the Lord who does all these."
So every wife and husband must be flexible, recognizing circumstances are controlled by God and not ourselves. We must also be resilient, not letting our difficult circumstances cause us to waver in our commitment to each other nor to falter in our faith in God.
"How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stand in the path of sinners,
nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and in His law he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in its season
and its leaf does not wither;
and in whatever he does, he prospers.
The wicked are not so,
but they are like chaff which the wind drives away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
For the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish." ~Psalm 1.

The tummy is the last to go...

..when it comes to pregnancy and the postpartum body. It is the tummy that is the last confirmation that you are pregnant and then it stubbornly hangs onto your figure after delivery for an obscene amount of time. My tummy has definitely outstayed its welcome. I was ready to be rid of it months ago! I've done Pilates, walked miles and miles, and still it hangs on. The question is, will my body ever completely get "back in shape"? Do childless women have a fundamental advantage over mothers? I know that my uterus will never be the same, as with the rest of my reproductive organs. But, does the rest of my body permanently change as well? This is something they never warn you about in those cutesy pink mother-to-be books. Even the Girlfriend's Guide doesn't fully warn you about the extent of the postpartum "getting-back-my-old-body" period. It seems like it is taking an unreasonable length of time to get back to "normal". And it's not just my tummy. My metabolism is functioning differently and my sleep patterns have definitely changed. My digestive track seems to be beating a new path as well. I frequent the ladies' more often than I wish, and points south just feel different. For the first time in my life I cannot, I repeat cannot, take a nap. Nor can I go back to sleep once I'm awake in the morning (tired or not). Will this stop at some point? I mean shouldn't I be used to motherhood after 8 months? At least the middle of the night run for the toity has ceased.
All expectant and hopeful mothers-to-be beware, if you do not religiously do your Kegels postpartum...life is going to be very frustrating. Believe your childbirth class instructor/gynecologist/girlfriend when she tells you that without doing your daily Kegels your love life and your relationship to the ladies' room will see a dramatic change for the worse. As for the tummy, is there a regimen for exercising that area to get it to flatten out nicely? Anything that will speed it's return to normal? I understand that the skin will take a while to get back to the right size, but surely the underlying muscle can be encouraged to move back faster?
As for the cute little number that the scale says in the morning, does that automatically go up after having a baby? Is it reasonable to expect that number to return to your pre-pregnancy number or would that be forcing too much? I am the first to say that the number on the scale does not tell the whole story about one's health or physical fitness. However, I do want to avoid copping out on the battle of the bulge. Do I accept a higher number because that's what my body should be doing, or is that giving up because the going happens to be tough?
When I anticipated motherhood there were two things that I did not want to happen to me. First was I did not want to become one of those mothers who added weight along with each child (that is, her waist and hip lines increases with each increase in her family size). Second, I do not want to be one of those mothers who lets her mind turn to mush because all she puts into it is baby talk, children's television programs, and the books that she reads to her kids. My mind must stay active and my learning must continue beyond where it was pre-baby. There should be no going backwards in mind growth. My intellectually horizons should be expanding, and having children is no excuse to let it recede. Both of these things are challenging me right now, but I am determined not to give up the fight. These things matter to me, and all full-time moms everywhere ought to care to continue this struggle as well. We cannot let ultra-feminists accurately describe us as fat and stupid. And that's my thoughts for today, more ruminations later!