Growing in grace

This fall I joined a women's mentoring group at my church and we are going through Bryan Chapell's book Holiness by Grace: delighting in the joy that is our strength. The group is called Continuing in Christ and we meet from 4-6pm on Wednesdays. We spend part of our time in small groups of 4 women, one of which is older and the mentor for the other three women. The other part of our time we spend as a group of twelve. This is sort of a "pilot" group to see if this is something the church wants to do with all of it's women. It is such a blessing to be able to participate in this, especially since Royce and I don't know how much longer we'll be living here. The timing of this study is evidence of God's grace in my life. I have been struggling with legalism and perfectionism for a large portion of my life. I understand justification by grace, but practically living that out and understanding how we are sanctified by grace is something my mind has not wrapped around yet. By God's patient teaching and His work through this study I think that I am finally beginning to understand what it means to live in His grace. I know that it is only by God's grace in the work of Jesus Christ on the cross that I am saved. I know that I cannot earn my salvation, yet once I was saved I didn't know how to live in God's grace. I still felt guilty for and plagued by my sins and a desperate desire to please God...to get Him to like me. Sounds weird. I wanted to obey God, which is good, but I have been motivated by guilt and fear of disapproval rather than love for God. I'm not sure why this is so hard for me to understand. God has given me everything I have, and my salvation is His work alone. My ability to obey Him is from Him. I cannot compell God to love me nor can I pay Him back for what He did for me in Christ. My relationship with God is maintained by Him, not by my works/acts of obedience. I am right with Him because of the finished work of Jesus on my behalf, and Jesus said "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." in John 14:15. It is by grace I have been saved, through faith, and this not of myself (lest I should boast). It is so freeing to know that because of Jesus, I am right with God. And further, that my obedience is something I am to do because I love God (not because it gets me anything). I am to obey God as a loving response to His love for me, not as an attempt to pacify or ingratiate myself with Him. What do I have that I did not receive? (1 Cor. 4:7) What can I give to God, that isn't already His? How can I obligate God to do anything (and thus make Him indebted to me)? (Job 41:11, Romans 11:35). I am hopeful that I will be marked by the joy of the Lord, and not by guilty striving towards perfection. Thank God that He is at work in my to transform me into the likeness of His Son. Praise Him for His unending patience and lovingkindness towards me.