The jury is still out...

I had my second OB appointment today for our second pregnancy. It was very reassuring to hear the baby's heartbeat! I had a nightmare earlier this week that my baby had died and I have heard about a lot of women miscarrying lately. Fortunately God has mercifully spared me from having to deal with the loss of a child. The baby's heartbeat sounded strong and healthy, but a little bit slower than Millie's (we have her heartbeat recorded from her 12 week gestation date). At this point we don't know if there is more than one baby inside, but most women who have twins don't know until they see two babies on the ultrasound (which is typically done around 20 weeks or halfway through the pregnancy). Sometimes twins have distinctly different heart rhythms and the OB can hear that at 12 weeks. Not this time. We will have to wait till my ultrasound in March to find out that little piece of juicy information!
I am so thankful God has given us a second child and that this child is healthy. We have had difficuly conceiving and part of me worried that I was being greedy or ungrateful for my first baby in seeking another. If you read Elyse Fitzpatrick's Idols of the Heart she says that Rachel's desire for a second child was idolatry and thus sinful. She just about says that God took her life in giving birth to Benjamin because of her idolatry/ingratitude. (Let me just say that I disagree with Ms. Fitzpatrick on this one and do not believe the Bible indicates that she was sinning). I do agree that a desire for children can become idolatry. Many of the women that I talk to in my email group for infertility do struggle with allowing their desire to become pregnant consume their lives. God is the one who opens and closes wombs, and His decision about whether we have children or how many children we have is always the right one (no matter how difficult accepting this might be). Children are a blessing from the Lord and we should seek His face regarding our desire for them. But we must never let having children take first place in our lives. God is completely trustworthy, forever faithful and a comfort in times of trouble. What He allows or brings into my life is good and I can rest knowing that He is sovereign over all of my life and the lives of those I love. I must let go of my fears for their lives and safety and put my trust in God, who loves and is sovereign over them.